50 Shades of What, you said?

So, it’s been around two weeks since this “acclaimed” movie started to brake ticketing records all over the country. Women are secretly wishing they meet a man just like Christian Grey, and men are discreetly taking notes to bring a little more excitement to the equation the next time they find themselves about to engage in one of those various physical activities.

My ears are crying (metaphorically) from hearing again and again how much everyone loves this film, and how they are definitely going to read the books to get the full experience. It honestly makes me wonder what exactly do we have inside our heads. Seriously, let’s be realistic here, right now I can’t think of any other way of describing it than a “disparate”, which I don’t think it has an exact English translation, but the nearest one would be “Folly”.

As a movie it sucked, the beginning was horrible, and even though it got a little better as it went on, it still lacked A LOT to be considered good. The dialogues were at best awkward and cliché, and even the filming seemed… Off. And that’s even without getting into the whole plot and story line. I mean, the most accurate comparison I’ve heard since it came out, it was some guy around the internet saying that the only reason this is considered a “love” story, it’s because Mr. Grey is a billionaire. If it was some dude living in a trailer, we’d all be calling the cops. I can’t even say just how socially wrong this movie is. On one hand, it does justify violence like a lot of critics have been explaining, but what really got to me is how Anastasia’s sexuality was objectified. He was attracted to her and even stalked her, yes, but it wasn’t until she shyly confessed she was virgin that he “couldn’t” control himself around her anymore. He even wondered where had she been all that time, like she was some kind of mystical creature that now was his and that only him could touch because he had found her first. What happened with wanting a partner that wants you because of you, regardless of how many people you have let into your bed? It’s true that she didn’t just rolled with whatever crazy demand he had (And I did like that), but she also fell into this whole virginal sham by replying: “Waiting.” Seriously, waiting?! You had nothing better to do? Should we introduce you to Netflix and the art of binge-watching maybe? Or I don’t know, hobbies and life in general? And if we take in count that she is supposed to be a English Literature major, the whole situation just seems even worse.

The only part of the movie that was truly good was the soundtrack, and how everyone has point out, you can enjoy it without the movie. However, I think that the thing  that dragged millions of Americans to the movie theater, was the sex. And even that wasn’t mind blowing. On one side the people that read this trilogy have expressed over and over how disappointing it was that they didn’t include the “hottest” scenes into the film (Which was again, the whole point of its existence), and on the other hand, actual BDSM practitioners have clarify that this movie was nothing but a sad excuse of it. Honestly people, if all you wanted to do was watch sex, that’s why porn exists. Oh but wait, that’s not socially acceptable right? No? All right then, carry on.

FYI: Just to be clear I am not, in any way, supporting or encouraging people to watch porn or the industry. I am simply stating a fact.

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